Confidence

There’s a song by Christian band, Sanctus Real called “Confidence” that really resonates with me.  It speaks about how the Lord blessed biblical heroes with courage to overcome challenges.  The primary lyric in the bridge of the song is “So I can face my giants with confidence”.

 I was raised by a single mom in a poor community.  The youngest of three siblings, I was overweight, clumsy, shy and had zero confidence which made me prime candidate for bullying.   The popular kids would bully me, tease me, call me names and make me cry. I felt worthless. 

These “giants” were cruel and relentless, until they learned who my big brother was.

My big brother Steve just happened to be the most popular boy in school!  He was strong, athletic, good looking, charismatic... just an all-around attractive guy.  

Someone everybody wanted to be around, to know, to be associated with, to call friend.

When kids found out that I was his little sister, that changed everything!  Formerly mean, cruel monsters became kind and friendly offering favors, gifts and even inviting me to hang out with them.  Those who were once so very mean to me became my biggest fans not because they liked me or wanted to truly be my friend.

It was because they wanted something they felt only I could give them.   A connection to a real live superhero, MY big brother.

I accepted the inauthentic gestures and fake good will.  It made me feel special, even though there wasn't anything special about me; it was my brother's worth that mattered.

My big brother loved me and didn't mind sharing the spotlight with me or allowing me to prosper from his fame.

He always encouraged me and tried to help me overcome my shyness and anxiety.  He believed in me, though I never quite learned to believe myself.

Hey, that's what big brothers are for.  All was good.  Except it wasn't.

If I'm honest today, I'll admit the trauma of being bullied in my childhood and living in the shadow of a larger than life figure took a big toll on my self-esteem. 

I was fine as long as I was known as Steve's little sister.  But I couldn't really identify who I was beyond that.  The real "giants “were the lying voices in my head telling me I'm not good enough. 

And I believed them. I was so fearful that if people got to know the real me, they'd reject me. 

So, I found myself introducing myself as Steve's little sister and rode his coattails for as long as I could.

The shadows became my safety net.  I was uncomfortable with any praise that was directed at me for me.  I didn't feel special on my own!

My big brother was the world to me but as we grew up, grew apart and entered the real world, I realized that he wasn't a superhero.   He was just a normal person with normal life and normal problems. 

Who like many, lives a life that didn't quite measure up to the pressure of the unrealistic expectations placed on him.

It must've have been tough carrying that heavy burden.   I never really considered how hard that must have been for him; somehow, he always still encouraged me.  Still does...

Even now some 30 years later, I continue to lurk in the shadow of success and sometimes find it difficult to accept praise or credit for myself.

I still lack confidence in my abilities and struggle with anxiety around acceptance.

But I discovered I really do have a superhero big brother who's never failed.   He's a Big Brother who lived up to everything we thought he would be and so much more and that's Jesus Christ.

He is beginning to draw me out of the shadow and into His marvelous light.  And day by day He is instilling in me faith, hope, joy, peace, courage and most of all, confidence.

I am beginning to develop and appreciate my own voice, my own unique talent that is all my own.  He has shown me my worth and just how valuable I am to Him.  Me.  Just Sharina.   

I am His beloved; the apple of His eye and like my earthly brother He's always loved me just the way I am. 

Today, as I spend more time with my Heavenly Brother; He’s teaching me to better understand human nature and the insecurities we all face including those who attack others to cover up their own fears and trauma. 

I’m still fine with people connecting with me because now I really do have something amazing to offer. It’s an opportunity to connect them with my big brother Christ Jesus who I believe offers the only source of true Joy, true happiness, true connection, true friendship, and true confidence. 

As human beings, we all need someone to choose us, to make us feel special which helps us develop healthy self-love and esteem.   

I've been blessed to have two amazing big brothers always looking out for me. 

And that gives me courage to "face my giants with confidence".

How about you?  What are the “giants” in your life that you need courage to face? 

Maybe it starts with just telling your story. If you’re ready, click the button below to Share Your Moment.